


Mike Meets the Cullens

by ancarett



Category: Holmes on Homes RPF, Twilight - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-13
Updated: 2010-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-13 04:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/133110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancarett/pseuds/ancarett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes even immortal vampires need help, especially when it involves foundations and wiring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mike Meets the Cullens

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a brilliant [Holmes on Homes Crossover Comment Fic Festival](http://sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com/529593.html).

The day that the foundation caved in on Emmett was the day the Cullen family knew they needed some expert help.

Emmett, of course, was no worse for the wear and Rosalie was mostly irked that he’d ruined the shirt she'd given him for Christmas. But the entire house seemed to be at risk, with a hasty collection of two-by-fours and old beams used to shore up the remains of the west basement wall and the sagging floor joists above.

Carlisle stood at the head of the dining room table while the others sat, somewhat gingerly, around the polished surface. Jasper growled menacingly, "I should hunt down that home inspector and show him something he'll never forget!"

Alice laid a comforting hand over his tensely splayed fingers. "He's been sued already by another home buyer. He'll lose his business as a result of the settlement and end up taking a menial job in a garden centre where he can actually do some good with his life."

Jasper bared his teeth but let the subject drop as Alice's precognition guaranteed that the level of justice Carlisle would likely allow was coming.

Edward rolled his eyes at Jasper's ire, "I'd say that the builders were more at fault but they laid this foundation back when I was a young man. Unless they're like us, they're all dead and buried."

Carlisle held up his hand, instantly winning his children's attention. "Recriminations gain us naught. We had to leave Forks eventually. Vancouver Island has an ideal climate and this community is remote enough from Victoria to allow us to live in peace. We simply need to get this house repaired, correctly and quickly."

"How are we going to do that?" Bella asked, glancing around at the other vampires in her now-extended family. "Unless some of you have experience in construction you haven't told me about?"

Carlisle and Esme shook their heads. "No," Esme put in, "but we have been able to secure the services of someone who can, what's the phrase he uses, Carlisle?"

The vampire patriarch smiled genially. "Make it right."

***

Four days later, a crew of strangers were setting up shop on the driveway outside the Cullen home. A muscled, commanding figure, almost vampire-pale at first glance but whose skin was tinged too red with human blood for any immortal to miss, led the way. "Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, good to meet you," he said. "I'm Mike Holmes."

He glanced behind him with a bit of discomfort. "I'm normally used to doing this with a film crew watching my every move. It's a pity you weren't comfortable with us filming this reno. Your house presents some very instructive challenges."

Carlisle nodded his head as he stepped aside to usher Mike inside, followed by his tall, rangy crew chief, Damon. "Regrettably, my family has been the target of some unpleasantness and showing up on a show as popular as yours would raise problems. But I appreciate your coming to work on the home despite that disappointment."

Mike laughed. "Well, you gave me the best incentive I could've asked for. Just there with your request out of the blue, the final permits so I can go ahead with Wind Walk. I was beginning to think the council would never approve the development but I guess I have to thank your family for that?"

Esme smiled. "Our son, Edward, he always knows just what to say when it comes to talking to people. And he's studied architecture so he's quite a fan of your innovative plan for the development."

Mike blushed a little at that. "Well, in any case, we're happy to come and lend a hand with this old house." He looked around at the spacious interior but instead of seeming to focus on the decor, his gaze moved beyond to the walls and structure.

"Looks like there's been some pretty amateur updates done to this home over time. I suspect that whoever took out the wall here-" Mike gestured to a faint crack that marred the ceiling between the living room and dining room "-they didn't engineer things properly. Let's go down to the basement and see where the foundation fell apart. Your photos were pretty scary."

The two men followed Carlisle and Esme down the narrow, cramped staircase to the basement. Damon whistled softly as he carefully ducked his head and strode across the dirt floor. "Holmes, buddy, this is some mess!"

Mike Holmes followed his site supervisor a bit more carefully. "Man, that is something, isn't it?" The two men carefully inspected the tumble of stones.

Looking back over his shoulder at Carlisle and Esme, Mike began to explain some of the structural problems he was already seeing. They smiled a little bit when he commented how lucky their son must have been to have escaped injury when the wall caved in.

"Emmett, he's fast on his feet," Esme said.

Damon laughed. "If I saw a wall falling in on me, I'd run, too!"

Mike chuckled but then more soberly focused on the task at hand. "I'll have to do a thorough inspection. I expect you may have some mold issues and I wouldn't be surprised to see problems with the plumbing and the electrical. Your floor joists here are a maze. And is that knob and tube?" Pulling out a small device, he laid it against the old wiring. "Live, too," Mike muttered in disgust.

Carlisle tsked. "We were really taken in," he admitted.

"It happens more than you'd think," Mike said. "But don't worry, we'll make it right!"

***

Most of the rest of the Cullen clan had relocated to Alaska so as to not draw much attention from the construction crew and Edward and his family were back in the cottage outside of Forks. "Renesmee doesn't want to be that far away from Jacob," her father said with some amusement.

Carlisle, of course, could escape to the Campbell River hospital when the press of people became worrisome. Esme was grateful when Mike and Damon made the case that she might want to get out of the house for a few weeks. "We'll be almost gutting it by the time we're done," Mike said cheerfully. "You can put up at a hotel?"

Esme shook her head. "I'll go and visit some family, don't worry. The kids are all off at college and university, so they're not around until the holidays, but Carlisle will be staying at our cottage," she said, when it was clear they'd be worrying about the good doctor. "He can enjoy some peaceful time."

"Sure won't get it here," Mike Jr., said as he hefted a sheet of drywall through the front door.

Damon mock-growled, "Get to work, kid" Mikey just laughed a bit louder and laid the drywall on top of a stack that'd taken over the entrance way.

"Leave everything to us, Esme," Mike said, as he swatted his son on the shoulder. "We'll give you back your home, better than ever."

She smiled. "I'll just pack up a suitcase to get me through the next few weeks," Esme said, turning toward the stairs.

The stack of drywall blocked her access and she frowned delicately. "Excuse me, gentlemen," she murmured, and shoved the drywall enough that she could use the stairs.

"No problem, ma'am," Damon said. Noting Bill coming back up the basement stairs, he hastily moved to push the drywall out of the older man's way.

"Oof," Damon groaned. "That stack's heavy. How the heck did that little thing move it?"

Mike guffawed. "You're just getting soft in your old age, Damon."

The dark-haired man glared at his boss in mock fury and the other crew members teased him mercilessly as the story got about how delicate Mrs. Cullen could outlift their co-worker.

***

Mike apologized profusely for the late hour of the finish. "We don't mind at all," Carlisle insisted for the third time as he led them to the front door. Halogen bulbs gleamed in new fixtures, carefully chosen to blend in with the historic character of the facade.

"Well, we had a lot of things to finish up today," Mike admitted as he led the through the doorway. "I keep hoping to finish up during daylight hours, but it never happens. And things took forever to dry in this climate. Do you ever get a sunny day?"

Inside, the crew stood back in the kitchen while the Cullens drank in the sight of their refurbished and restored home. "Honestly," Esme breathed, "I never thought it could look this good."

Mike stood with arms crossed, beaming with pride. "It's what you don't see that matters most. We found so many problems: mold in the basement and a partially blocked vent for the plumbing, wiring was a complete mess and we had to put in two new beams that went all the way down to the foundation. . . ."

The tour was thorough, with Mike and Damon explaining what all the crew had done to fix the decrepit and dangerous building. "Now you can finish up those bedrooms for when your kids all come home for the holidays," he concluded.

Esme laughed merrily, "Oh, they'll think they're just perfect now, thanks."

Carlisle added his agreement. "But we thought there was one of them who'd love to meet you so we asked him to join us. Emmett?"

From the backyard, their brawny adoptive son entered the house. "Wow! This looks great!"

Mike eyed the youth up and down. "Is this the kid who had the wall fall in on him?"

"At your service," Emmett confirmed, offering Mike a firm, brief handshake.

"You're a lucky man," Damon said. "That was about a tonne of foundation that came down there. If you'd been any closer."

Emmett laughed. "I'd'a run faster!"

The crew chuckled. "We were going to give this to your folks to pass on to you," Mike said. "Carlito?"

One of the crewmen pulled a hard hat from a box at his feet. "Just for fun," he said, and handed it to Emmett who donned the yellow hat with a laugh.

"You look pretty strong," Mike said, eyeing the younger Cullen up and down. "Ever interested in a career in construction? We could use someone with your muscles and speed!"

Emmett looked back at his parents. "It'd be tempting, but I'm afraid I wouldn't make it in Ontario. Just not the climate for this boy. Though I wouldn't mind coming out east to do a bit of bear hunting."

For weeks afterwards, Damon swore up and down that when the Cullen kid said that, his eyes turned a disturbing shade of red.


End file.
